A guy was going
on vacation and he didn't want his girl friend to have sex with any other guy
while he was gone so the guy want to a porn shop and said to the clerk, "I need
something to keep my girlfriend from having sex with another guy!"
So the clerk gets a box and said, "This is a Voodoo Dick. Here is a example of
how it works," and the clerk said, "Voodoo Dick, the door!" and the dick went
and fucked the door.
Then the clerk said to get in the box say 'voodoo dick your box.'"
So the guy brings it to his girlfriend and shows her how to use it but didn't
tell her how to make it stop.
The next morning before she went to work she said, "Voodoo Dick, my pussy!" and
it was the best sex she ever had, but she didn't know how to get it to stop.
So she went to the Doctors with it fucking her and eventually got in to see a
gynaecologist.
She said, "I have a Voodoo Dick in my pussy and there's no way I can get it out!"
The Doctor looks at her suspiciously and says, "Voodoo Dick, my ass!"

A little girl runs
out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's
sex?"
Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells
her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell
her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the
hell, and goes on to tell her the works.
He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished,
his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge.
Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"
"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."