A man goes into
his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man
wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he
dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie
is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.
His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this
time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the
son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.
His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this
time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that
he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.
The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After
dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't
eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is
sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement
and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good
God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!"
She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep
this morning."

A 60 year old woman
came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door
and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator.
"What are you doing?" asked the mother.
"Mom, I'm 40 years old and look at me. I'm ugly. I'll never get married, so this
is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering
the room, found his daughter using the vibrator.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.
His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I'm 40 years old now and ugly. I will
never get married, so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father
walked out of the room shaking his head.
The next day, the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand
and the vibrator in the other, watching a football game on TV.
"What on earth are you doing?" she cried.
The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm going? I'm having a beer and
watching football with my son-in-law!"