A teenager comes
home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies
come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and
she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth
out?"

A 60 year old woman
came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door
and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator.
"What are you doing?" asked the mother.
"Mom, I'm 40 years old and look at me. I'm ugly. I'll never get married, so this
is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering
the room, found his daughter using the vibrator.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.
His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I'm 40 years old now and ugly. I will
never get married, so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father
walked out of the room shaking his head.
The next day, the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand
and the vibrator in the other, watching a football game on TV.
"What on earth are you doing?" she cried.
The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm going? I'm having a beer and
watching football with my son-in-law!"