Two carrots were
walking down the road one day when all of a sudden a car drove by and hit one
of them. The other carrot took the injured carrot to the hospital.
After examining him the doctor came into the waiting room and said, "I have good
news and bad news. The good news is your friend will live. The bad news is he'll
be a vegetable the rest of his life."

A husband desperate
to end an argument offers to buy is wife a new car.
She curtly declines his offer by saying, "That's not quite what I had in mind."
Frantically he offers her a new house.
Again she rejects his offer, "That's not quite what I had in mind."
Curious, he asks: "What did you have in mind?"
She retorts, "I'd like a divorce."
He answers, "I hadn't planned on spending quite that much."