A couple went on
vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to
read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early
that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat
out.
She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and
started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside
the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing?
She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted
fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But
you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"
Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If
you do that, I will charge you with rape."
The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."
To which the lady replied, "Yeah, but you have all the equipment!"

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"

"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."