Every day a 4th
grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he he
stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football?
Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!"
The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter.
She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home
on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah".
The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys
bike, and girls can't have them!"
Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now
he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says
"You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"
The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you
have to say NOW?"
So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says "My mother told
me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says happily.
A little while later he goes to McDonald's for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I'd guess that you're 29?"
"Nope, I am actually 47." He's starting to feel really good about himself.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your penis for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47,"
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's".