A man is walking
by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen!
Thirteen!"
Quite curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence, looks in and someone
pokes him in the eye.
Everyone in the asylum starts chanting "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

A guy dials his
home phone from work. A strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid.", answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm .... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her
husband."
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the
jerk she is with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed
by two gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What?! There's no pool here?"
Long pause... "Uh .... is this 221-1811?"