During the wedding
rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I’ll give
you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where
I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful
to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out."
He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part
of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s
vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and
wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally
before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman,
as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better
offer."

Luke's wife bought
a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products she
asked, "Darling, honestly what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Luke replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your
hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Luke interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."