Three women are
about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two
guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last
requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she
has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring
her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

A man was walking
in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a
big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice
shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you
and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening
around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"