A couple went on
vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to
read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early
that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat
out.
She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and
started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside
the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing?
She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted
fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But
you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"
Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If
you do that, I will charge you with rape."
The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."
To which the lady replied, "Yeah, but you have all the equipment!"

One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."