One day, back in
the olden days, a cowboy was crossing the desert to do some trading and came upon
an Indian. The Indian was laying on his back and had an erection that stuck straight
up in the air.
The cowboy asked the Indian what he was doing.
The Indian replied, "Me tell-um time." This made sense to the cowboy, he was using
his penis as a sundial.
A few days later, after completing his trading, the cowboy came across the same
Indian. This time the Indian was laying on his back vigorously masturbating.
The cowboy asked what he was doing this time.
The Indian said, "Me wind-um watch."

One day, after
a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a
problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this
beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all
of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman'
for you."
"What's a 'woman,' Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature
I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you
want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know
your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens
and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will
be the perfect companion for you" replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies.
"She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his
face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"