A guy was going
on vacation and he didn't want his girl friend to have sex with any other guy
while he was gone so the guy want to a porn shop and said to the clerk, "I need
something to keep my girlfriend from having sex with another guy!"
So the clerk gets a box and said, "This is a Voodoo Dick. Here is a example of
how it works," and the clerk said, "Voodoo Dick, the door!" and the dick went
and fucked the door.
Then the clerk said to get in the box say 'voodoo dick your box.'"
So the guy brings it to his girlfriend and shows her how to use it but didn't
tell her how to make it stop.
The next morning before she went to work she said, "Voodoo Dick, my pussy!" and
it was the best sex she ever had, but she didn't know how to get it to stop.
So she went to the Doctors with it fucking her and eventually got in to see a
gynaecologist.
She said, "I have a Voodoo Dick in my pussy and there's no way I can get it out!"
The Doctor looks at her suspiciously and says, "Voodoo Dick, my ass!"

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"

"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."