A man was walking
in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a
big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice
shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you
and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening
around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

A man goes into
his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man
wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he
dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie
is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.
His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this
time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the
son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.
His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this
time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that
he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.
The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After
dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't
eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is
sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement
and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good
God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!"
She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep
this morning."