A man was walking
in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a
big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice
shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you
and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening
around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Two sisters, one
blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a
few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing
the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out
west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the
bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does
want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram
to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to
send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.
I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can
haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's
just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that
she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes,
she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you
want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul
that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde, she'll read it very slow."