Claire was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they always have sex in the dark.

Hoping to rid him of his inhibitions, during a passionate evening she flipped on her reading lamp and was shocked to find a cucumber in his hand.

"Is this what you have been using on me for the past 8 years?" she exclaimed.

"Honey, let me explain…." he pleaded.

"You sneaky swine!" she screamed. "You impotent Son of a Bitch!"

"Speaking of sneaky!" he interjected,
"Perhaps you'd care to explain our two boys!!"

After just a few
years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided
the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had been at each
other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counsellor jumped right in and
opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately,
the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand,
the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their
marriage.
After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over
to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes,
and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over
at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.
The counsellor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"
The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and
Thursdays."