An old man went into confession and told the priest: "Father,I'm 81 married with six boys and 13 grandboys. Last night i had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls.Twice."

"I see," said the priest. "When was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never,Father", replied the old man. "I'm Jewish"

"So why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody!"

The train was travelling
along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted
except for a businessman reading his paper. The man peered over his paper and
asked "Would you let me kiss you for fifty pence?"
"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned
to his paper. A short while later he looked across again and said "Would
you let me kiss you for a thousand pounds?"
After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again
the man returned to his newspaper.
A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me kiss you for five pounds?"
"Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What
kind of girl do you take me for?"
"We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling
over the price!"