One evening a man
was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch
them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and
as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig
it out but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper. He asked his wife for assistance,
and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.
After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the
peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers
up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut
flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young
man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned
to the father and said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's
going to be when he grows older?!"
The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"

A blonde who's
down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd
jobs to do when she approaches a large house. She goes up to the house, rings
the bell and the owner comes to the door.
He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation,
that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she
could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has
been wanting his porch painted. He asks the blonde if she paints?
The blonde says, "Sure anything."
"Well, I've been wanting my porch painted, how much would you charge?" the man
replies.
"I don't know, say $50 bucks."
"Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside.
His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation
and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks.
The astonished wife says, "$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our
house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay
her more."
"But that's all she said she wanted, and anyway she's a dumb blonde!"
10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the
blone stands there and says, "All done."
With a surprised look on his face, "I can't believe it, you're already done painting
the entire porch."
"Yes, and by the way it's not a porch it's a Ferrari."