A man enters a
barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems
he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby
drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest
shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow
it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else
does."

A worried father confronted his daughter one night. "I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it."

"Oh no, Daddy," the daughter replied, "Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."