A man and his wife
are doing yard work. Husband says to wife, "Your butt is as wide as the grill."
She ignores the remark.
A little later the husband takes his measuring tape and goes over to his wife
while she is bending over working in a flower bed. He measures her rear end and
gasps, "Geez, it IS as wide as the grill!"
Later that night while in bed her husband starts to feel frisky. She calmly responds,
"If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you ARE
mistaken."

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"

The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."

The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"

The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000."

The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"

He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."