1. Your mattress has turned into a giant sponge.

2. It takes five minutes to unknot your bodies.

3. An earthquake of 3.4 on the Richter Scale is recorded in your area.

4. The cat's exhausted from just watching you.

5. A trampoline company has to come to adjust your bed springs.

6 You've both gone down one clothing size.

7. You cancel your chiropractic appointment. There's nothing left to adjust.

8. You have to breathe into a brown paper bag.

9. Boy, are you hungry!

10. You're absolutely satisfied yet uncontrollably horny at the same time.

A man was walking
in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a
big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice
shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you
and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening
around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"