A 60 year old woman
came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door
and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator.
"What are you doing?" asked the mother.
"Mom, I'm 40 years old and look at me. I'm ugly. I'll never get married, so this
is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering
the room, found his daughter using the vibrator.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.
His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I'm 40 years old now and ugly. I will
never get married, so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father
walked out of the room shaking his head.
The next day, the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand
and the vibrator in the other, watching a football game on TV.
"What on earth are you doing?" she cried.
The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm going? I'm having a beer and
watching football with my son-in-law!"

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.